On the eve of Mother's Day, I'm taking a risk and opening up the memory vault. Risky because I've built a life far from home and it's hard to emotionally navigate the distance when that vault opens. I left home over twenty years ago. When I left I remember holding my mother and grandmother at the gate in YYT and I can still hear my mother's loving words as I let go. I realize now that I never really let go and that her words continue to anchor me over two decades later with awe and gratitude.

My mother is and has always been an incredibly powerful woman. She is a force who has leveraged emotional capital to position her family above all. Her quiet strength has kept our family steady through storms and her gentle wisdom has guided us through noisy passages when losing the way forward together would have been easy. My mother has always modelled unconditional love for myself, my sister, my brother and my father. She is the one we all turn to when need encouragement and kind reminders of who we really are. Her power is contagious and her beautiful ways weave through my being. I often catch myself with my own precious daughters thinking 'what would mom do?' as I try my best to guide them into their future lives. I realize with awe and wonder that the decisions I make are usually edged with what I have learned from her and the sisterhood of powerful women in my life.

There is a lineage of strong women in my family life. My two beloved aunts are also forces of nature. Time after time, their Herculean ways have taught me through the years to never step back from a challenge. Their sense of humour and love of fun are gifts that I treasure and try to emulate in my life. My beautiful grandmothers, Mamie and Nanna, were women whose enduring strength and courage inspire me to stay the course when I'm not sure about the twists and turns ahead. My mother-in-law is another incredible woman in my life whose intelligence and determination remind me to stand up for what I believe and to find beauty in the simple things that surround me. My sister brings a beautiful energy to my life, her sharp wit and humour never fails to lift my heart and ground me in joy. My three sister-in-laws are three more amazing women in my life, whose kindness and creative ways inspire me to keep growing. My cousins, little and senior, expand my circle of care with their persevering ways and wise words. The women in my family are awe inducing.

I've been thinking about awe and wonder a lot lately. Might be the edges of classic middle age contemplation and existentialism kicking in but regardless I've been taking stock of my life in new ways. I've been consciously trying to find wonder every day and pausing to feel what surrounds me. Somedays I fail miserably at this task whereby days pass when the tyranny of the urgent takes over and I just don't have the time or emotional bandwidth to go deep. But on the days when I protect some quiet time, usually in the dear early morning hours, I am learning that something shifts in my world. These are the days when awe transforms my worldview. On such days that self-critical, nagging voice of self or ego, quiets empowering me to see the deeper patterns in my life, my relationships, and the world around me. These are the days when clarity reigns and moral beauty positions the decisions I make and how I choose to spend my time. These are the days when I feel confident to lean into emotions as a female and as a leader. In spirit of risk taking, these are the days when I find the courage to push against the hegemonic masculinity that continues to surround the sisterhood of women. Like many women in leadership, I have been told to be careful of being too emotionally effusive or overtly positive. It is important to note that these messages have come from men and women alike. I realize now that these comments, while perhaps well intentioned, have been misogynistic in nature. Care, relationships and emotion are essential to effective leadership. Hence, the necessity of positioning emotion in successful decision making circles succintcly back to making space for awe in our lives and to the power of her.

Emotions move our thinking and guide our actions, enabling us to adapt to our present circumstances. They are central to our survival and evolution as humans. Emotions connect us to the vast forces, the relationships, that shape our lives. On this Mother's Day weekend, I hope to emulate the power of her and honour the beautiful emotional matriarchy of strong women in my life as I seek awe. For now I will hold tight to my Mother's Day hug for my own mom until I see her this summer and express gratitude to all the women in my life for their gifts of friendship, inspiration, support and love. Happy Mother's Day!